Fuzzsome

I’m feeling quite gloomy right now and rather blank. I feel it better for me to pour it out then keep it all to myself.

I know I have been on the computer a ton and its not fun because i have this huge big project with a fat deadline smacked to my head. It comforts me to have you here chat with me but, today and yesterday… I just didn’t get you or even anyone else at all. Perhaps its just the PMS i’m feeling. Deng. I really feel like crying now. I just feel so emotional.

I have this mixed thing going with you which freaks me out.

DENG. i hate like you :S

Time Flies,

Its roughly around two weeks more till I set off to Singapore, and nooooo I just had to be tied up with work work work and booo, it sucks so bad okay. This is so ranty but meh, I have lost the thing to blog this few days.

Just read my twitter to see how much i babble everyday lah!

tata!

River of Dreams

I am lost for words once again not to anyone but for myself. I find it so weird that I always can’t put my thought into words. I know what it means but I don’t know how to put it into words. Even feelings, I also can’t explain it properly. I guess, I should learn to put it into words. I can’t go on like that..

I just re-watched a couple of scenes of MJ’s memorial which I missed. The part where they sang Heal The World and We Are The World really touched me but what touched me most was when Jermaine & Marlon Jackson spoke. And I actually teared when Paris Jackson spoke. I really do feel for them. Losing the one’s you love suddenly sucks. No one would want to be in that position.

Once again, MJ’s passing told me to cherish the people around me. Spend more time with them.

I was just telling someone that MJ’s passing is still so surreal to me. Its like I know he is gone but I still keep thinking he is alive. And I finally found the answer!

He may be physically gone from us but in our hearts, he still lives within us. He is still alive but not physically alive only.

I kinda thought about grandpa a lot when I was thinking about this. Even though, its almost 2 years since you’ve left us. You are still alive within me. I don’t know why, I have this silly wishful thinking that you would be there when I go back to Melaka everytime. Its not the first, but so many times. :(

Today’s another gloomy start for me. Where’s my sunshine?

Oh, sleeping :/

No Surprise

I’m being tied down with work these days. Rushing to meet deadlines isn’t a fun thing either but thankfully, I have you and you and also you to hold me together and pull it through. Thank you for pushing me through my lazy days and my not so lazy days. Somehow or rather,  I don’t mind doing all of this all over again.

Today, I saw the full moon. I don’t know why I felt a tingle of joy within me. I really am clueless. I am really happy these days. I feel at ease and peace these days. I’m appreciating the days with my family and friends before leaving to Singapore and also, I spend a lot of time with my dear laptop too. Still, time ticks so fast. I can’t meet many of them.

After ICTO’s over, i’ll be down in Singapore already.

*

I took a night off tonight just to relax. I have been having some irregular sleeping hours these days. I kinda am worried but I don’t know why, why am I even doing this for you.

I tell myself to run away. Far far far away from you. Yet you are like a magnet, pulling me back to you. Although time is short, you pulled me back more than once already.

Deng. Its not fun alright. :(

You are my heaven on Earth

I have been meaning to type something decent for a post but I still can’t find the time to actually put my thoughts into words. Busy is something I still question because I still curi tulang once in awhile. I realized I get de-motivated so easily and vice versa. Is it because of you? Little things do make me happy and sometimes, yes.it does bring me down. In the end, we all still need to grow up though.

The weather today and yesterday was something de-motivated me. I absolutely hate hot and humid weathers. It makes me feel grumpy! And yeah, I was blur and slow the whole day. :/

On another random note, I have been having long conversations and I find it really funny weird mixed I dont know why.

I WANT JAMBU AIR :(

At The Beginning

Hello July and goodbye June. It has been an amazing month of June with an all time record high of blog post posted in a month. I very much doubt this month I can pull that off either. Its gonna be a super packed up month and honestly, I am kinda excited. A lot of doubts were answered and I’m feeling happy jolly jolly.

This month’s goal is to manage everything well and settle down in Singapore. Oh, I almost forgot someone’s souvenir programme too ;) (See, I do remember that I have a deadline okay :))

I have been regularly updating the Twitter than the blog because I find it dumb to write a short post and anyway, yay. read my twitter for regular ramblings of mine :) Besides, I have been having a blogger’s block. Can’t think of much to babble about these days. Feeling happy is good right? :)

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Colours are so vibrant and wonderful. I really love colours and a world without colours, makes it feel so dull. I feel colourful when I’m happy. I feel like I’m black and white when I’m down. I wished oranges don’t come in one colour but many colours just like the picture! :D Imagine you get pink durian or maybe yellow dragon fruit :) Okay, I’m just kidding around but I wish there were stuff like that but probably these days it would just be filled with chemicals :S

*

Today, our dear friend. Poh Eng Eu would be leaving Malaysia to Singapore then to New Zealand to further his studies.

Have fun and good luck in New Zealand. :)

Words Can’t Explain How I FEEL

There are some days you feel when things don’t go your way, today I felt it like was one of them. The days where you make rash and impulse decisions backfires you and all you get at the end of the day is scolding, emotional feelings and tears running down your face. I find it so hard to see eye to eye on certain things but yet, we still give and take. Dedication to a game , a sport or even in work is important but its just one of the days, where you say “Hey, lets step back and enjoy for a little while”. You may be healthy alive and kicking, or *choitouchwood* less healthy and not kicking. Don’t you think we should all be given that chance.. to just relax or even take a break?

To see the distraught look on their faces make me feel sad but yet, in every scenario there are two sides to a coin. I don’t pity them nor I think they deserve it because I really believe, dedication and commitment does not mean you attend every single event or just even a rehearsal. What you want to see is the desire to achieve, the passion, the fire and the spirit of doing your very best and go all out for the prize.

Everyone has a part to be blamed but, its just after a huge competition. You can’t tell them “Hey its time to go and do more practices”. Because, I still believe, everyone needs to take a little breather. Defeat isn’t something that everyone wants and yes, I do get bummed out over defeats but relaxation and enjoy sometimes, just take your mind off things.

So many thoughts are running through my head right now. I don’t even know where I actually stand because after all, I am just an outsider. I may have joined them but it was something that everyone somehow said yes to. We did not force or say everyone must go that kind of thing. A little polish and even a commitment from you would show a little GEM in them.

And just because you were there and they weren’t, also gives you a right to say what you want. No doubt you maybe be older and wiser, sometimes you should see things in their eyes not just yours. They are such bright gems in their every one. So unique yet so different. But what they are getting does not bring out that gem in them.

A lot won’t get what I am even trying to mean because I’m putting it in the most subtle way. Maybe someone would but he would probably get lost in the words as well.

Respect is earned from honour and what you have done. We all do respect but somehow along the way, I kinda did lose the respect I once had from you.

Like what one told me, people change. priorities also do change too when you grow older. For example, me as a 20 year old soon to be university student. My first priority is studies and family then friends and it goes on. When I have a family, the priority changes. Family & Career comes first and then the rest. The world knows it well enough :)

I hate to get angry over little pesky issues and I hate that when you get pissed you bring out every single shit on the table and shoot me down. Honestly, I ain’t that little anymore. I know what I am suppose to do. Even though I may be in another country soon, I know what are my limits and I know what I should not be doing while I am there. Life is short and sometimes, I don’t wanna have regrets not spending time with the people i love and close to in life.

You’ll never know. I might just perish from earth tomorrow.

Who knows? Only god knows :)

NOTE : this was just a rambling of mine. I do not mean it to specifically to anyone out there. thank you.

One Step At A Time

I’m sitting in front of the laptop with a what if thought in my head. When I stepped into form six, I only had one thought in my mind. Which is to do the best I could and do my course , accounting preferably in UM or USM. But now, whatever I’m doing isn’t what I thought 2 years ago.

I’m going to pursue Economics in the National University of Singapore. not Accounting in University Sains Malaysia.

Yet, I still doubt my choices. I am still thinking.

WHAT IF USM WAS BETTER FOR ME?

WHAT IF I HATE ECONOMICS WHEN IM IN NUS?

and all other weird questions comes into my head.

I’m taking a path where its common but yet uncommon for me. I have two loves which I could not decide which one I want.

In the end you still have to make a decision right? I chose NUS not just because of the fame & glory but if I am that crazy, I can do my both loves in NUS. In USM, i have to pick one. :(

Why does life has to be that complicated. Imagine if you threw Harvard or Yale into that contemplation. EVEN MORE CRAZY MAN >_<

Our Crosses Will Divide

I managed to catch transformers today (but I dont think I found the right movie poster *points up*). I am never the transformers fan but after hearing my friends talk about transformers 1 and now the 2nd one, I thought I should just go and watch it la. So, I really succumb to peer pressure and went to watch it today.

As you could see from facebook & twitter, I happily mention that I fell asleep during the movie. Which I really could not help it because I was a little bored (I ADMIT) and my eyes were heavy (that, I don’t know why either). Qin said it was an insult to Transformers. HAHA. Yeah I know. I bet the transformers fan would probably hate me for this. >_<

While watching transformers, my mum called me up and asked me whether I wanted to go for the movie screening of Ice Age 3. Obviously, I said yes. Who wouldn’t. FREE MOVIE TICKETS LEHHH. hahaha. Needless to say, when things are free…. There were abundance of people at E@Curve (no more Cineleisure :( )

Ice Age 3. I have watched the trailer so many times (because I visit the cinema too often) and I was half/half on it before watching it.

Overall, I think its worth watching it. I laughed a lot throughout the movie and its really funny.

Butterfly, Fly Away

Its been almost 7 months on holiday and thankfully, I am stepping into the last month of it. 30 days time, I’ll be leaving home and call Singapore my spankin’ new home (for at least the next 7 years that is). Time flies and well, I didn’t even feel that it was 7 months already. I don’t think I did much productive things during the holiday but going out and reconnecting with friends.

Now, its time to start counting the days and well, look forward to cracking my brain (study) in university. (Definitely, the ranting will all come back again)

Those who know me very well enough, would know that I get a little tad apprehensive about starting conversations on MSN with people. I don’t say “Hi” or even a “Hello” on MSN that often unless, I know you well enough or I am really that bored. Lately, I have been trying to expand my network and get to know a couple of uni friends before leaping to Singapore. I don’t usually say Hi either way. Only one or two of them (after reading this, consider yourself blessed!).

The funny thing is, I don’t find any problem communicating with people when its face to face. But, when its online, I hold back a lot. Its true :) If talking online to a normal friend is good enough to get me nervous, imagine talking to your crush. I got lost for words every single time. Hahahaha.

This year, I already felt I moved on, I changed. Usually, when it comes to 28th June. I get all weepy and emotional because of whoshallnotbenamed. I’m glad I’m out of this rut. I’m HAPPY :D

*

I realised that I have this routine thing when I log into Facebook everyday. First, I’ll check the notifications bar. Then reply comments/wall posts and followed by, updating the status bar. After that, I’ll probably hunt for some interesting quiz to do (Now, I play Sorority Life & occasionally, Friends for Sale) and pass some time.

Today, I revived my pet society account. *applause* I wish I had more money in Pet Society. So many pretty items to buy and decorate the home.

I have been wanting to do a post on my dream home but I have not get to it because I have all these images in my mind but and its hard to find the pictures and words to describe it.

I am quite a dreamer ;)

I won’t give up till its over

I have been thinking of something to write on the blog but I still can’t really think of something anyway. I am having a slow brain day today. Somehow, my brain is like half asleep today. I’m feeling impatient and annoyed today. I don’t listen to people today instead I just get pissed at them. I’m feeling a bit cranky and I am tired. No matter how many of sleep, I still feel very very tired.

Yesterday’s dinner + hangout was rather fun actually. The steamboat dinner which me and the rest practically stuffed ourselves to death (just to make our money’s worth) was better than I expected. I am kinda craving for the beef and mutton right now actually. It was fun catching up rubbish and meeting with the old friends from school. We should, have this kind of things more often.

The friends are now in various states (as today is the registration for local university students). I thank god that I had the opportunity to meet them before they left. This Tuesday, Ian Kam would be leaving for Tasmania, Australia and on Saturday, Eng Eu would be leaving to New Zealand.

It feels like I’m the last to leave among all. But, I don’t mind. :D

Running to or away from you?

This thought ran through my head earlier just now. I always envied people who always got their first choices in life or whatever decision they make. I always feel that, why do I get what people don’t want or maybe why do I always end up just the second best?

Sometimes, you can say I don’t do my very best. but what if this time I really did?

Its quite frustrating but I always tell myself.

“There are others suffering worst than you. Don’t think or complain so much”

Even when the days I feel like I am so stupid or depressed. I usually take a walk in the park (sometimes I do jog) to take things off my mind. I constantly remind myself that I am blessed with good health, good family and good people around me. I should not complain much.

Because, other people are suffering worst than what you are going through.

Then, there are the days where you seek love and comfort of one. You tell yourself. Be patient, love will come eventually. No point rushing or even forcing love. God will find it’s way to you. Everyday, I tell myself that.

I always remember. Even without the love of the other half, I still have love in my life. The love of family and also the love of friends. That is equally as priceless as the love of the other half. Without family, there is no me. and also, without friends, I would not be standing where I am today.

Some days, I do see that the grass is greener on the other side.

But these are the days, where I feel that I am truly blessed and contented with the people and things I have in my life. :)

Bittersweet days

I’d always enjoy a walk in the park on a nice lovely evening. Today, the weather was just awesome and I got both walks that I wanted! A walk in the rain and also a cool walk home.

Little things like that do make me happy.

I went back to school for sports day today. Happy for the winners and of course, the blue house. They won marching again this year and I am very VERY HAPPY for them. *big hug everyone* I also met up with my prefect juniors which I truly loveeeee *hearts* and had a good chat with them.

Sharma , Vincent and I walked under the rain to McD and it was fun. I always liked walking under the rain. Though Vincent was hesitant, I managed to convince him to walk under the rain. We had a long chit chat and catch up session at McD.

Then, me and Vincent walked home. We stopped by a nearby park (reluctant to go home) and continue chatting. The weather today was A W E S O M E and yeah, it was not hot and it was really cooling.

Now, I am home. Blogging.

Thanks for the walk and yay, going out again with form 5 friends for dinner.

byeeee!

The King Of Pop

This morning, I was in the car with Eng Eu and Wil Fred. The radio was on and I was rather blur. I heard the DJ talked about Michael Jackson and him dead..? Yes, I was dumbfounded at first. Was it really true I asked. They nodded and said yeah its true. Cardiac Arrest was the cause of death. He died this morning.

Michael Jackson is such a famous singer. Everyone looks up to him. Wen Chean, Kevin, Daniel, Jason and a few more friends wrote tributes about him. Of course, I am pretty slow on the updating thing today as I have been out the whole day.

No wonder the weather was so cool and peaceful today.

We lost someone special in the music industry today.

One who gave such an impact to the whole wide world.

I Support Malaysian Nature Society

DIGI is running this campaign called “Love To Save” and the money raised from this campaign will be channeled to several NGOs and societies in Malaysia. This is where YOU can play a part by supporting these societies.

I choose to support the Malaysian Nature Society.

Help me by just clicking on the banner and vote.

By you voting (its free btw), you will contribute RM 5 to MNS.

Play a part in our society by voting today!!